Monday, August 25, 2008

The Dark Knight at BFI IMAX

Watching The Dark Knight on a screen that's the height of five double-decker buses with an 11,600-watt digital surround-sound system was the equivalent of being run over by five double-decker buses, peeled off the road by screaming baboons, stuffed into a cannon and fired head first into a brick wall.

As a viewing experience it has to go down as the most painfully dumb, excessive and utterly pointless battering of the senses I have ever experienced in a cinema, although I would hesitate to label the IMAX a cinema in the tradition sense, as the general effect of flying, sweeping, dipping and diving around the skyline of Gotham City is more in keeping with a rollercoaster ride that just... doesn’t… end. Leaving me feeling like I’d been subjected to some pointless human foie gras experiment and force fed four thousand cream cakes then ordered at gun point to trampoline for two and half hours whilst someone told me a really shit story that just... wouldn’t… end.

Talking and telling. There’s so much talking and telling in this film. With his ridiculous 80-a-day voice (we’re talking cigars here, Marlboro Man’s a pussy compared to this bloke) and a mask that obscures all but his mouth, it’s only natural that Batman's teeth become the focal point of attention, especially as he’s constantly spouting endless soul destroying bat wisdom (what is it with all the endless ridiculous philosophizing? Is there some kind of Batman bible? The Book of Bat? Bat Zen: the art of sucking the life from an audience via their ears?) and so it quickly becomes apparent that his mouth and teeth bare a striking resemblance to those of David Beckham’s, which further highlights how utterly ludicrous his more-gravel-than-a-footballer’s-driveway voice is. It is ridiculous. Then comical. Then annoying. Really annoying. To the point I started fantasizing about headbutting the chair in front of me until my skull caved in rather than sit through one more minute of endless bat babbling from what sounds like an asthmatic mountain gorilla who’s just eaten a maxi-tub of crunchy peanut butter at high altitude.

Ledger’s performance is good, it does stand out, but more so because of a distinct lack of competition. The Joker, expectation-wise, surely has to be an easy character for an actor to play, and Ledger strolls through this (with his “I’ve just shit myself” geriatric shuffle) like a natural on auto-pilot with no surprises. Which is the problem. No surprises. Everything about the Joker is predictable. From how he is first introduced to how he acts/reacts throughout the entire film, and the only real surprise is that he doesn’t figure in the finale. Go figure. Or not as the case may be. Bizarre really. The finale is gifted to Aaron Eckhart's Harvey Dent, Mr. Two-Face to his enemies, who turns overacting into an artform and screams and shouts a lot about a lot of stuff we really don’t care about - a performance that will surely be the envy of Nicolas Cage. Oscar-worthy performance from Ledger? Not if he was in last year's category, but then he’s gone and sadly done that dead thing so watch this space.

In summary: the movie was an assault on the senses, yet still felt ponderous. It was already long at two and half hours, yet felt considerably longer. Crucially, although based on a comic book, it took itself very seriously, and because it took itself very seriously it subsequently failed in opting for caricature over character and cliché over invention. Overall the film displayed little grasp of the subtleties involved in good storytelling with only limited effort aimed at making dramatic sense. It was all about the glorious spectacle.

The only thing that might have improved The Dark Knight would have been opium-dipped popcorn. And possibly a gun. My journey home that night was delayed due to an unfortunate person under a tube train. I'm thinking a quick rummage through bloodstained pockets would have revealed a ticket stub for the IMAX.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

you're a fucking idiot

Joon said...

Perhaps you were too busy finding baseless and exaggerated descriptions to portray your pathetic feelings that you missed the entire meaning of the movie. Its ppl like you that enjoy shows like Twilight. Word of advice, you should stop blogging and share your rant with your other gay friends. Good luck..in life.

SHRIPO said...

You r a fucking gay prick with no understanding of meaning. It's good tha t the genius is lost on you because it calls you out for what we know you are and that is a loser with nothing.

Anonymous said...

Dude, I know you mean well, but you have to realize that Nolan will never work with you if he reads this. I would seriously consider removing it.

Anonymous said...

ur a jealous cock who wouldn't even lick his boots.

The Blaster said...

You are blind my friend. Or should I say deaf. For as much full on action as there is in this movie, it's really the unequalled acting that makes it the great piece of work that it is. Truly. Between all the punches, explosions and stunt-work that you obviously have such an issue with is the stunning dialog work - that's where the beauty of this film lies. Listen to them. All the actors have their moments. Which is why it's such a crime they were overlooked at the Oscars. What more does an actor want than great lines that resonate through film history and leave us reeling, wanting more.

This isn't an action movie. It clearly isn't. It's a film that explores our very heart and soul with literary themes of the hero and villain, as well as order and anarchy and goes way beyond anything you can comprehend. The great philosophers, maybe. Yes, listen to the dialog because it's all in there. It is the film. You want to know why you didn't 'get' The Dark Knight? You weren't listening. Watch it again, but this time watch it with your ears. Listen to the dialog. Telling us things about you, me, humanity, about our very existence. You're focusing on the wrong elements.

Listen.

Peace out.

ulikeboys said...

G.A.Y.

Scotty said...

You are an idiot. This isn't just about TDK being up there as the best comic book adaptation ever, this is about TDK actually being one of the greatest movies ever made. End of.

You've got no soul brother.

Roe said...

you are a retard with retard opinons with a retard future. give up. you are a sad jealous retard.

sad.

NOT FUNNY

BiTi said...

Seriously dude like Roe says your just showing yourself to the world as an ignorant retard. Noone likes you.

Andrea said...

*I* like him :(

Anonymous said...

u r sad & no1 likes u sad living with his momy in his sad basement with his sad toys.

NO1 LIKES U U WILL DIE ALONE

Dick Eagle said...

Shit on my tits you cock chugging bender